By: Loren Due, DMin, Ph.D.
You are probably wondering what is a PK. I am so glad you ask! It is a special breed of human being or some would call it a club. It is neither but a group of unrelated and unconnected individuals who are children of preachers. A PK is a preacher’s kid. Are you one? I am! What it means to be a PK in many instances is devastating. The devastation thank heaven doesn’t always remain but some time the devastated are redeemed.
What it means to be raised up in a preacher’s home can vary from fun loving to a living nightmare depending on what your father and mother believe and how far they took their beliefs. The behavior of the father and mother in acting out their beliefs typically over time can have a very dramatic effect on the child. The most unnerving part about parent behavior is that most parents do not have a clue the damage they do to their children.
More than likely the only parents who know and understand the damage done to their children are those parents who are PK’s or have taken the time to listen to their children tell them about the effect of the parents behavior. Unfortunately most parents because of their upbringing fail to listen to their children when they are sharing their pain with their parent. Pain has an ability to travel from circle to circle!
The problem with “Pain” is that when the infected parent starts to quote chapter, scripture and verse to a child over and over again the child starts to sense that whatever behavior they are doing that does not agree with the parents beliefs they are feeling like they are “bad!” This negative perception can live with a child all his or her life if there is no deliverance and forgiveness to the infected parent whether they are alive or dead.
You are saying to yourself why is he writing this article? I am writing this article on the spirituality platform because not only are some preachers guilty of driving their children away from God but some parents who have become fanatical about their given belief to the point of every time they open their mouth poison comes out rather than the love of God. Scripture teaches Matthew 19:19 (KJV) 19 Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
1 John 4:7-11 (KJV) 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
The great challenge for both types of parents mentioned in the above is “LOVE!” This is not an article solely about love but love is one of the most important ingredients that is missing from most parent child relationships. Matter-of-fact love is the missing ingredient in most relationships. It seems so many are only concerned about self. I will do another article on love to share my concerns. So you are a PK and you have been raised to honor and respect your parents no matter what. Where is the love? We know the Bible teaches: Exodus 20:12 (KJV) 12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. Notice that in that scripture there is nothing about love! It is about blind obedience to the parent.
As a PK you are made to know that you are a PK by your parents tone of voice when something is threatening their kingdom they say remember, you are a PK. This comment “you are a PK” is their way of attempting to coerce you into doing what they want and not embarrassing them in front of the congregation or community. You hear this phrase over and over again until you no longer regard yourself as a just another person in the church but you are a PK. That feeling of I can’t breathe, I am being suffocated by obsessive parental concern that everyone in the family appears “PERFECT” is one of the most damaging aspects of being a PK.
All families on the earth were and are dysfunctional except Adam and Eve who started our perfect but failed and the only one who remained perfect in all was Jesus Christ. What many preachers don’t realize is that most people know that and are not going to judge the family for human error unless they are one of the families and individuals who look for trouble no matter who or what. PK’s bear the burden of trying to be that little perfect girl or young man to make their parents look good.
The real problem are those parents who are one way at home and different when they are at church. These parents are the ones that are even more difficult to please because they are unstable and wishy washy. Granted the parents that continue to hammer on their children with clichés are the ones who without realizing it drive their child from home and the church. I thank God that I left home at 18 to marry and live my own life. Leaving home early taught me many lessons that I would have never learned had I stayed under the roof of my parents.
In my case it was a blessing that God allowed me to learn lessons when I left home that I would use to help others not remain bitter and hateful toward their parents and the church. When you learn for yourself that God truly loves you and that your parents were only doing what they had learned from their parents or lack of parents you learn to forgive and give them love. You expect love to come from the parent but when the Lord teaches you about love you are able once you forgive and release the bitterness to show love to your parent.
Some PK’s don’t experience the extreme life that I lived through but they are still PK’s and know that they are treated differently than everybody in the church and that some of the parents are continually saying “It is not because they are my children” and other euphemism about their children that when heard enough times causes the PK to cringe and the church members to know it is the way parents brag about their kids without bragging.
I believe it takes a special type person to be a PK and not lambast and rail on everybody every time there is a challenge in the family and local congregation. Thank God for His grace and mercy for those of us who left our home churches in search of a less offensive environment? The joy comes when the PK is finally delivered from family and self and acknowledges that they now have a personal relationship with God. When you are living a saved life for yourself and not your parents it such a delight to know the Lord Jesus Christ and be able to witness for Him in truth and understanding!
Will you treat your local PK’s with respect if they have earned it?